The Tinkerbell Walk

Tis the day I walk on away. Away to where I can find a place to belong to........

2008-08-02T16:11:00.000-07:00

This is going to be my last post here.

Too many people know me now. So I have to go. Don't worry my dear readers. I will be back on another name and another page. This blog will be here forever. (cause I don't know what to do with the posts).lol. But I won't be here anymore.

I can't write what I want to with so many knowing that this is me. It's only 11 people but 11 is more than enough. Soon this number will grow and then I won't be able to write anything anymore.

There's so much that goes on in my head and every time that I let it out and speak it, people laugh at me, judge me or make fun of me :(

I need to go to a safer refuge and be by myself where I can express myself and be loved and respected for who I am.

If you've noticed, most of my posts are getting stale. That's cause I'm not writing what I want to but more of what I can and cannot cause I know who's going to read it.

So I bid you all goodbye my dear friendly readers. I'm so grateful you all have been there for me through all the happy nonsense and ... freaky stalker ones as well. lol. But I've got to go now.

I'll meet you again on your blog.

Same person. Different name. Different site :)

Bye all.

Signing off as... Alexis-Marie.

Strength drawn from within endures all

2008-07-31T16:55:00.000-07:00

Breathing was made for the priviliged.

It was for those who could use it to survive in a world of challenges.

The weak would collapse and then decay

And till no more would they be on that last day.

..............We take it for granted that it will always be there

But when it's gone, you can't have it back.

A tightness it pulls within the quiet passage

Till a tunnel no more it becomes

I can't breathe.

That was at 6am this morning. I woke up gasping for air. lol. I didn't know what to do so I went to Kennysia's page for help and after 3 lines of air topic it changed to something else and I was forgotten.

But it's fascinating ya know. How we take for granted life and say that.. "OMG! I'm going to die in math!!!!!" and come out of the class alive.

Here I really was on my bed gasping for air and didn't know at all what to do and so I just lay there hoping for the best. My life was entirely in faith.

I fell asleep and actually woke up. That's lucky I have to say.
What if I didn't wake up?

But I guess life's too short for the "if"s and "whens" and "hows".

It should be lived. Stretched and pulled to the farthest of all limits.

And yet, its fragility on the lines of death be looked after with care as well.

The arrival of the chicken burger

2008-07-31T03:16:00.000-07:00

OMG!! IT'S HERE!!! THAT WAS SO FAST. YUM YUM YUM!!

ps: Thank You God for BURGERS... **droooooool

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color

2008-07-31T02:13:00.000-07:00

Ya know. I really have the most beautiful friends in the world.
Now that I'm sick, they'd take care of me. Check on me to see that every thing's all right.

They'd never let me go hungry :
Darling Housemate did steamed sausages and fishballs for me. Cause I have a really sore throat.but she wouldn't buy me my most craved McChicken burger.. only porridge.cause I'm sick

They'd make sure I have everything that I need :
Levis guitarist called to make sure that I have enough meds and don't need anything else.but he wouldn't buy me my most craved McChicken burger.. only porridge.cause I'm sick

They'd help inform me about my homeworks and tell my teachers that I'm too sick to do anything but sleep:
Dear little one told everyone I'm sick and can't attend college today lol.but she wouldn't buy me my most craved McChicken burger.. only porridge.cause I'm sick

And everyone wouldn't let me eat McDonalds eventhough I was so craving for it:
Except the vegetarian goat, but he somehow just totally forgot to buy it on the way back from college. lol. probably cause he actually doesn't want me to eat it anyways.

So later, about 5 hours later... I remember that they have delivery services. I'm such a dodo sometimes.

Aren't my friends beautiful? lol.
And since I really can't do anything else except be like a vegetable and sleep the whole day, I'm going to blog hop the whole evening. Just drop me a link if you want me to read all right.

Thanksgiving to you O Most High

2008-07-30T03:56:00.000-07:00

I'm sick.. with runny nose, a sore throat and fever.

And as blur as I am. I want EVERYONE to know that a bowl of porridge and a glass of orange juice are the most heaven sent food to anyone when you're sick!

Thank you God for the lovely food. I pray that I would be as fortunate as this all the time (not the sick part) but for the chance to taste good food and to live a happy life. And please take care of all the friends who are being there for me, yes, even the vegetarian goat with the garden of a fridge who makes fun of me all the time. Oh, and that someone, somewhere in the world would help world hunger by delivering.. not food but jobs and stable incomes. and.... oh, my favorite line:

.........and God bless everyone Amen.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away... but there are 6 in the fridge and I'm still so weak.

2008-07-29T08:30:00.000-07:00

It's been a long hard day but at the end of it, it was all worthwhile.

I've got this really hard lecturer. Brilliant but very strong.

He plays the piano for Sultans and even the International Jazz Festival. He's been a long way in his life and now he's teaching us.

He's definitely not someone you wanna mess around with. He calls us all darlings and dears but is VERY strict when it comes to work. He pushes us to be harder and I'm honestly grateful that I have one of the best lecturers ever.

Just afraid that he'll slash my marks.

But that's the beauty in life.

People have to go through the worse to bring out the best in them

-from The Book of Ruth-

It's the only way that they would ever learn from anything.

I've noticed that when I'm comfortable, secure and happy...
I go through life thinking that everything's going to be fine. When it actually will not be. It's just a monotonous life and nothing would ever happen to you. It's comfortable.. ya know? Like you have safety blanket when things get cold.

You don't think, You don't bother about anything, You're content with what you have and that's all that is ever going to matter.

And because of that, you do nothing about everything. ... but from there, you find contentment and peace within yourself. I know I did in the past one year.

I worked hard, played hard and shopped hard. I was very happy. The typical girl next door. I couldn't ask for more

Now that the vacation is up...... That's all gone

I'm poor, there's a ton of work and I hardly get to go shopping nowadays.

But it's for a good cause

Music changes the world....(but that's another story)

Walking stick... necessary...

2008-07-25T07:48:00.000-07:00

I don't get why people think they're bad?

I've met them and they are really pleasent and nice. But everytime I tell them that they're nice, they put on this defence mechanism and tell me that they're not nice. That they're jerks or evil people.

Do good people like to think that they're bad so that if they do something bad, it's actually ok?

lol. Probably. Like how I think I'm fat and my friend tells me that

I'm not allowed to talk about fat around him, cause he thinks I'm blind.

People are very complicated.

Or maybe my friend is right and I am blind.

Quirky is as quirky does

2008-07-21T10:04:00.000-07:00

Armando Torres tagged me. Wow, it's been a while since I've been tagged. So honestly, I don't know where to start. I'm always called weird. So all right. I've got to pick 6 of it. hmmmm.

1) I always get lost on the bus. Like.. I took the bus 4 times.. and out of that 4 times. I got lost 3 times! Probably cause I don't pay attention on the bus, miss my stops and go all the way to the end of the line or just sit there till it comes back to my stop. I know.. it's time to wake up but whoa!! I do see a LOT of weird things.

2) I watch videos and listen to music over and over and over again if I like em'. Ok. take "Come What May" a soundtrack from the Moulin Rouge. Lovely! I played it more than 20 times the first time I heard it and I'm still listening to it today.

3) You should see me cross the road. It's funny. My friends say when I run I either look like a duck or some retarded princess who can't move her hands cause I leave them stiff by my side. Funniest thing ever. Worse off than a chicken.

4) I'm 5 feet 5 but I have feet which are size 9... !!!

5) I walk so quietly that my friend thinks I'm a cat. Cause they can't hear my footsteps around the house. There just isn't any sound :P

6) I'm naturally weird. Seriously I'm quirky. I do all these weird things spontaneously. That's why it's so funny to be me. When you're around me, you won't be able to stop laughing. Like last night at my friend's place. I'm double jointed so yeah, I have the amazing power of popping my shoulders. I know how to keep life interesting enough for myself so that I will never get bored. Another reason why I think differently from many people I know :)

All right. Done.. Now who shall I tag?

Prem, John Miao, Blue, Simon Ho and This Brazen Teacher.

This is going to be interesting :)

good morning. lets take small steps and move forward

2008-07-17T09:01:00.000-07:00

Ya know, it's hard to concentrate when you've got so many things on your mind.

Especially when you don't know what your lecturer is talking about. It's just so difficult.

I'm a girl sort of girl.. So when we have technology class. ok...... It's a totally different language. Like they were talking about some motherboard thing and something about ROM and sequential.... something.

Just have to keep telling myself that I can do this and it's all going to be fine.

Awww.. The MacBook is so hard. I can't even copy and paste properly. Why couldn't we just use Windows?? ya know and like stuff some programs inside....sigh..

I can do this.

Dang lol. I wasn't supposed to click the jumping MSN button... I was supposed to click the button itself.

I don't have a title for this. Cause I can't make any sense out of it...

2008-07-16T07:54:00.000-07:00

What do you do when you find out that the people you trust, aren't the people you know?

They take you out for McDonalds at 3 in the morning. Tell you their deepest most darkest secrets. Talk to you and make sure that everything's all right. Check for cuts and bruises when you fall. Tell you that everything's going to be all right. Take you around to places just for the fun of it and basically enjoy each others company because it's just plain good.

What would you do, when you find out that the person you lend your laptop to, go out at 3 in the morning with, hang around because it's fun, keep company when bored and pour your heart out to cause you think they care and are worth your trust, actually finds you annoying and hates you. ... .. .

I'm so confused.

Why fake it and live a lie that hurts yourself so much?

Why hurt me later? Couldn't you just keep your distance from me from the beginning?

If you didn't like me for who I am... why would you tell people that you were my friend and never let anything or anyone hurt me?

Why hurt me now?

Buzz Buzz is not impossible....

2008-07-16T02:31:00.001-07:00

Why the bumble bee flies.

That is the most intriguing, beautiful thing I've heard all week. I love Paulo Coelho. He writes beautiful books like Eleven Minutes about a prostitute and sex and The Devil and Miss Prym about societal views and many more books- The Zahir and especially the well acclaimed "The Alchemist" which won many awards over the years since 1992.

But why this is the most intriguing and beautiful thing that I've heard all week is because, by our laws of physics and aerodynamics, the bumble bee... is not supposed to fly.

But you and I both know that, it(the bumble bee) does fly.

According to the mathematician Michael Atiyah, the bumble bee flies because it doesn't understand the technicalities of physics and aerodynamics.

So everyone, this means that NOTHING is impossible. All you have to do is believe.
This little bumble bee is exactly how Dreams Can Come True.

Like I've always wondered why does this country categorize everything by race.I mean does it even matter?
Demographics, Schools, Statistics, Shops, Clubs, Workplace, POLITICS!! (what's Malaysian Indian Congress and Malaysian Chinese Association for?) Color of cars, Style of clothes.... and so much more they even categorize which shopping malls and pasar malams(night markets) are for Malay and Chinese groups. If there are more Malays there, the chinese won't go. That's honestly just too much.

Have you noticed??

Everywhere you go, someone will judge another persons character based on their skin color. I never got the point of that. Maybe cause I grew up in a school where everyone mixed whether you're English, Malay, Chinese, Indian or Pakistani. Seriously. I had a very mixed group of friends.

And it never mattered what color your skin was, everyone is an individual in their own way... But when I started to work during my one year break. There were all sorts of racial nonsense going around....and it can get a bit unnerving sometimes.

Sometimes I think I'm like the bumble bee. It's because I don't understand the laws of criticism by race, that I am able to see past that and to see each and everyone person as individuals from the many walks of life and that I'm able to respect and accept them for who they are.

It's just so weird. If you think about it.. if we didn't even have the word race, wouldn't Malaysia be a completely different country?

Thanks You My dear dear bloggers.

2008-07-16T02:28:00.000-07:00

Hey Everyone.. Thanks so much for helping vote for my friend.. Just so sorry.But she didn't get in.. Sadly. But ya know what.. We tried. And that's what matters

Like Einstein said,
If you don't succeed at first,
try, try again.

I can now tell the world that I have a friend in the Estee Lauder Model Search Competition

2008-07-09T17:44:00.000-07:00

I really cherish my friends cause without them, I probably would not be me. :)
People think I'm strong but I actually am pretty easily influenced. I mean in a good way. I know my rights and my wrongs.

Today, I'd like to share with you one of my close friends. Her name is Joanne Loh. She's the sweetest most humble person who you would never meet anywhere else on earth. Really. We met when we were 14 and we grew up together and are still friends. She's just so awesome. But EXTREMELY Shy. We were both in the youth group and she would never let conflict spoil the group. Being the most compassionate person there, you can talk to her about anything and she keeps secrets very well too. Rare to find people like that ya know..

So now I'm blogging about her because she finally, (After 2 years of US(friends) pushing her, her bf only did it for 6 months and hmmph.. she listened to him..) joins the Estee Lauder Model Search. She's now in the semifinals and I really would love to see her through cause she really deserves it and with a personality like hers, she can do wonders for the world.

So this is Joanne Loh-Su Yen. I've asked her to do a lil bio of herself so you'll get to know her a little better.

Joanne Loh's biography

To vote for her just click here to go to the Estee Lauder Model Search page :)

Well as for most people,as they grow up so does their self esteem but for me it was the other way around.

lol.Don't ask me why I've got no explanation to that.The reason why i join this competition is not to gain popularity or anything thing like that,but to boost up my self confidence and also gain some exposure.

I've been longing to try out things like this but never did because i don't think I'm cut out for it.Though there were a few friends of mine who encouraged me to join something well at least try it out.So here I am and i finally found the courage to go do something about it rather than just sitting around and dream for it to happen.
Never would i expect to be in the semifinals and with God's help and the support from friends and family i hope i will make it to the finals as well.

The reason why I never wanted to do this because I am first and for most not very pretty.My features are a little bit awkward because my nose is a little weird looking,and some say my eyes are to far apart and many more comments but there are those who thing that it's alrite.I hope that someone out there would see this as something different and fresh and not just any ordinary feature.Someone that will not only look for a beautiful face but also a person with a great personality.

I got motivated to do something about this modeling thing was when i watched this movie called 'Pursuit Of Happiness'.I'm pretty sure many of you have watched it and many of you were touched by the movie.In that movie i learned that no matter how tough life is,never give up because you'll never know,someday you will succeed.

But a quote in that movie that really hit me was when Will Smith said to his son 'never let anyone tell u what u can't do even me'.Which is so very true.There will be people around you even friends and family that will have negative thoughts to what you wish to do.That's very normal but if you feel that with much put in effort you will succeed and your heart tells you that this is the thing to do,then by all means do it and prove to them that they were once wrong.

Though this competition is not very well known neither is it a big event but one must start small from somewhere rite?So do vote for me not only because of my looks but also for my heart.I want to prove to the world that one can be beautiful yet smart and beautiful in the inside.To those who never took the initiative to get to know me but judged me from the outside,I will prove u wrong.

I am not perfect but I am definitely not just a girl next door.I am extraordinary in my own ways.So do support me and make my dreams come true..THANK YOU.

After this is all said, could you pretty please head on over and vote for my friend. The link is right here : www.esteelaudermodelsearch.com.my

A brand new start after a heavy flood

2008-07-08T06:12:00.001-07:00

I had a BLAST in Kuala Lumpur.

The best thing about it was that, I was able to show people that it's ok to talk about stuff they've been hiding in their closets for a long time.
That opportunities come knocking when you start believing that there's always something you can learn from the past or that your future is the most important thing to think about today.

It's just amazing how much people can talk to you and just open up when you share with them as well. Like most of the times from where I come from, I'd share and no one would share back. But here, maybe cause they're lonely, or that they've got no one or that they just need someone to understand, they talk about their problems to lil me. And from there, they start to think and see things differently.

I feel good cause I feel as if I'm helping people. And that makes me feel good about myself. It really does.
Like, I asked my housemate, why does she not go back to college and just have a look around. I mean it's just nearby. She said that she didn't have a good time there. Not many friends and all.

But I dragged her back cause I joined her for lunch and so she has to drop me in college :) Isn't she so kind.

She went back there, to pick up a project and she talked to all her old lecturers. Walked around and looked at the recital hall and said. " This brings back sweet memories". I could tell she was really happy just being there.

AND just cause she went back there, she got offered a better job with SHORTER hours.Plus this is coming from the most prestigious music college in Asia.

Isn't that lovely? Now she can have a life again. I think it's absolutely brilliant. But she's not sure about it cause she has 70 students.

She doesn't just want to hang them to dry. So responsible and loving.

And this is just one story.
My new life is about to begin and I'm going to be so happy living it.

And I love redecorating my new place. yipee!!

Your vacation's up. . . back to school.

2008-07-06T06:01:00.000-07:00

There goes my one year break.

It's time to go back to my books in college. Registration's tomorrow. I'm so lazy to pack my bags right now. ... But I have to.

My dear bloggy readers. :) I'm going to be a bit held up with auditions for the next 3 days. So please do excuse me for not updating daily. In the meantime, see what you can actually get out of the AIDS article.

If there's any possible way for you guys to spread the word about AIDS and to help their victims., let's aid them :)

Then leave a comment.. when I get back to my blog, I'll link all your sites to it so that everyone may read it. Let's try.. :) It'll be fun.

They need all the help they can get. Till then. Wish me luck :) and Take care.

And as Tiny Tim would say : God Bless Everybody"

The movie is not about gay men or ballet... You've got to watch the movie..clicking the link would be a better choice.

2008-07-04T19:13:00.000-07:00

www.plaisirspartager.com
Throughout the world, one person dies of AIDS every 10 seconds

According to global health facts

33,200000 PEOPLE in the world are now infected by AIDS. Out of these 33 million,
69000 of them are from Malaysia, our home.

Help Unite the world against AIDS.
See how you can get involved today
www.unaids.com

or go Malaysia Boleh by joining the Malaysian AIDS Council
at www.mac.org.my

Volunteer today and be the difference that you want to see.

Have you ever felt, that life is just not worth this??

This movie touched me.
Even if I'm watching on a slow connection.
At first I thought it would have been one of those nude ballet people sort of clip...But when they started falling out of the hour glass, I suddenly realized that
life can slip out of reach just like that.
There's nothing you can hold on to. Once you reach the bottom, you fall,and you will never get up again.
Tragic.

I never wanna go down this path.
This is definitely the path of no return.
I just wish there's something that we can do to help those who have.
I mean, put yourself in their shoes.
It would probably be hard on them to handle discrimination and death at the same time.
I'm not surprise some of them actually tried suicide.
I would be afraid too.
I mean, we all know we're going to die one day. But when it hits you in the face that you're going to suffer like this and then die in October/ just before Christmas/ 4 days after new year.
Your whole world just suddenly falls.
And you realize the house, the money, the cars... CREDIT CARDS, tons of shopping,
contacts (who will SUDDENLY disappear) ,
just don't matter at all.

Then you go back to what you're missing and really live your life.

It's true, just like it's said in The Book of Ruth

-People have to go through the worse to bring out the best in them-

That being said. Go outside now, smell some flowers or play with the dog.
Have a beautiful day.

DOTA ..... Death Of The Able

2008-07-03T20:23:00.001-07:00

Have you seen how people .. ok, not people... BOYS play computer games. It's like the death of the able. All they do is sit there and go... OF FUCK!!! NO!!! TIU LE ARRR... WOIII!!! Especially for the game DOTA.

Is that not the most hideous looking picture you have ever seen in your life. Plus I've tried the game out.

I know it better as the ugly looking warrior game where the MONSTERS have BIG BIG Muzzels(muscles) and Metal underwear to protect **excuse me** ehem...

And also where these ugly little trolls walk about saying, Yes Me Lord?, Yes Me Lord. Right away Me Lord.... Yes Me Lord.

oo oo OH! And there's this guy on a horse who goes around saying... I'm the defender of the light. ATTACK!..(seriously a confused hypocrite)

Ok. .... Not a girl thing. Definitely not a girl thing. Nope... Not in a million years.. Maybe in the military but still, not a girl thing.

But you've got to admit, it's Hilarious!

The Obsessed Freak

2008-07-01T23:32:00.001-07:00

Since we're on the topic of stalkers, let me tell about the one I had in college. He was the scariest, freakiest stalker I have ever met in my life.

I was two weeks into college doing my A-Levels when I met him. He was my senior so fine we talked and stuff. He was my only friend there. 2 weeks later he told me that he liked me, I kinda figured from the way he was acting around me when he introduced himself. But I just talked him out and said "I'm sorry but I don't feel the same way about you. I don't even know you so yeah, you should look for other girls" (My usual standard reply)

But he wouldn't give up. Wanted me to get to know him so fine, I gave him a chance... told him that I'll just get to know him in the next 2 weeks and see how it goes.

At the end of 2 weeks, I still only saw him as a friend but he didn't get that part. He asked for more time, but I told him that I'm very very sure about it. So I just left it there.

But he wouldn't give up on me. He was obsessed. No doubt about it. He would wait for me outside my classroom, or by the stairs when I'd go to the girls bathroom, at the lobby when I'm in class, library when I'm studying and ALL THE TIME, he would try to go out for lunch with me and my friends. On top of that he'd call me when he's not there. He'd call at night, in the morning, in class!!, all the time. I felt so choked up like I was in the cage

Plus he bugged my friends about me when I don't pick up his calls. It drove them nuts. But THANK GOD that we're tight, so they didn't pressure me to just give in or anything. They were very helpful. They constantly yelled at him to leave us alone.

After about 4 months, he started smoking and drinking. His friends were my friends as well and they'd tell me stuff about him and that I should talk to him. Cause he claims that he smokes and drinks because he's depressed about me. OMG! How could anyone do that right? It's completely unethical cause (at that time, I was only 17) I don't drink. I mean yes to wine and all but I don't drink heavy. I never drink when I have studies to think about either. I was President of 2 clubs and Vice for one. I was a role model. Plus smoking is a definite no no. If he liked me, he wouldn't do that to himself cause they go against my values.

So fine. I confronted him. He lied to me and said that he'll stop smoking and that he'll be good and stuff and a whole bunch of other BullShit. But it just got worse. I guess it was my fault for giving him attention. Should have left him to be and acted as if I didn't care at all... Let him figure that it's not working then he might have probably stopped.

Then he'll start calling me at 2am in the morning when he's drunk. I'll so totally get pissed off, turn off the phone and go back to sleep. Come On. I have class at 9 everyday. Then he'll apologize his head off for disturbing me and ask me countless numbers of times if I'm ok.

ARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

2 months later he has a lung infection from smoking. Damn. I felt a bit guilty but I didn't let it go far. I was just being a concerned friend to see how he went and all. So I kept in touch with his sister. Who at one point started calling me names for no god apparent reason? OK... So I told him about it and GOD... he made things worse.

So I made a decision after that, that I do not want to have ANYTHING to do with him or his family. I just want to study and be left by myself.

So when he asked me if I was going to his party, I said No.. When his friends asked me, I said .. No. When his mom asked me (I called his house to ask for my book back) I said No. And mind you,they asked A LOT.

And when it was his birthday he was crying on the phone and asking me why I'm not coming?
I was like, unbelievable. I've been telling you "No" ever since the first time you asked me and now you still have the nerves to ask me this.

Anyways I didn't show up for his birthday and he was devastated. But I actually felt good about it.. Cause he finally got the message and left me alone. Too heartbroken I guess..

Among all the chaos however, the thing that really pissed me off is that he started telling everyone I was his girlfriend eventhough I was NOT.

He's the lamest person I have ever met in my life. i HOPE NEVER to see him again.

It was honestly a pretty scary experience. Thank God for my friends. I never would have made it without them

Telephones............ actually it's more of a stalker story.

2008-07-01T18:49:00.000-07:00

Thank You Alexander Graham Bell for inventing the telephone. For it he hadn't we'd never be able to have handphones. I seriously grateful for mine cause if it wasn't for the handphone, I would not only find myself stuck in many troublesome situations but I'd also not be able to keep in touch with my darling friends.

And though I have lost 2 phones, and spoiled 2 through rain and clumsy fingers (I keep dropping them on the floor, by accident of course) I still have one which is (still) very functional.

HOWEVER

I completely understand you, if you accidentally contacted the wrong person due to a slip of the number or something BUT, AFTER THAT.... You're NOT supposed to call back.

There's this guy who won't stop bugging me. He has been calling me for the past 2 weeks using different numbers from Klang. sometimes it's this KL number 03 **** something and other times it's his 012 handphone. And I've made it very very clear that I don't want to be associated with you.

The conversation went like this. (I have resorted to calling the stalker Sakai hence the name below)
It's the second time I ever talked to him. The first time was when he dialed the wrong number so I told him sorry and that was it.

ME : Hi, I received a miss call from this number (012-9266549). Did you call me?
Sakai : Yes, yes. I'll call you back
ME : Oh ok sure, who's this please?
Sakai: Just wait for a while, I'll call you back. I'll tell you later

I thought it was pretty weird that he couldn't give me his name.

Cause I used to study Literature(high school) and Psychology(college) and we analyzed people's character a lot.
People prefer to remain anonymous when they have something to hide, or if they have a motive that they are gonna carry out. It's easier to hide you see.
Not only is it cowardice but desperate and pathetic at the same time. Sad case

Cause if he was just honest, I would have talked to him. Some men lie cause they want the control, that's all.

Anyways he called back in 30 seconds

ME : Hello?
Sakai : Hi
ME : Who's this?
Sakai : It's not time for me to reveal who I really am
(I was thinking this in my mind : O GOD! Another boy. WTH)
ME: If you don't tell me your name I'm going to hang up.
Sakai : I don't want to tell you my name and even if I do, it would probably be a lie.

.......SOOOOOOOOOO... I hung up. Yay

Who do you think I am? You don't know me yet you wanna introduce yourself like that? Do I look like a toy to you? I am not your mother and that is as much as I know cause the phrase

"I don't want to tell you my name and even if I do, it would probably be a lie."

That is definitely not something you tell a girl you have never met in your life. That's something you tell your mother when you're in trouble or something. Not a female stranger

Anyways after that he told me that I sounded like a very nice when he talked to me over the phone. That my voice was very impressive and that he felt very comfortable with it.

Then he called me 3 more times of which I didn't pick up. So he said Fine... sent me a message that said if I wanted a name, his name is Ronnie. And honestly, after that conversation I had with him, I'm not even sure if he's telling me the truth. So I just ignored it.

2 more miss calls...
........
.....
...
..
and a last message.

He apologized for disturbing me and says that he won't bother me again.
For one second I thought I was mean and that if he could be as courteous as that, I should have at least talked to him. But I didn't want to. It was a gut instinct

So I said my thank you's and a goodbye

2 hours later he started miss calling me again and I KNEW! He was one of those stalker guys.

He called again at midnight, 2 in the morning, 6 am and about 20 minutes ago... ARGH!

This is not the first time things like these have happened to me. sigh. At least it's not as bad as last time

So Moral of the story is this : Guys, if you're impressed by a girl over the phone, do this.

Hi, I'm **Alexander and the other day I accidentally dialed your number wrongly? Yeah I was really impressed by you. I just felt comfortable talking to you so I was wondering if it's ok that we get to know each other? Ya know, just as friends.

You'd definitely get a reply from this cause you're sweet and polite. You bear everything out and show that you're a pleasant, honest young man. See, manners help.

But if she says no........ just leave her alone. She's probably not ready or that she has a boyfriend or that she's just not interested. Of which it's the best choice.

O GOD!......... Another miss call from Sakai. What am I going to do??

ps : Oh yeah always remember... be polite :) It charms girls.

There's too much food in the fridge.

2008-06-30T18:18:00.000-07:00

My family(unlike me of course. :P) are from a very long line of staunch conservative Catholics who make it compulsory to attend church every Sunday and to help willingly whenever help is needed or asked for. Traditions of it have been handed down from Grandma.. hail grandma, may she rest in peace.

Last Sunday, mother was at this charity fund raiser for the old folks home, and she came back with a ton of food.

I surprised my ownself when I thought, it would be better if we just gave the food to the poor children. We had so much of food in the fridge anyways. Then I started thinking about children in Ethiopia and googled it.

I saw pictures that gripped my heart so hard that I just have to put them up here.
It's from boston.com .

The page showed the anguish of parents whose children suffer from malnutrition and eventually die because there's no hope.

Imagine if you were a mother and your child was dying. Every mother would hope for the best for you to get better...But in Ethiopia, there's no hope. You just wait for your child to die.

The pictures below are about Michu, a 4 year old little girl, who passed away due to malnutrition.

Amina Nanessa Mohamed cries outside the intensive care unit of Médecins Sans Frontières / Doctors Without Borders after her four-year-old daughter Michu died of malnutrition near Sheshemene, southern Ethiopia, June 8, 2008. Some 4.5 million Ethiopians need emergency food aid due to failed rains and high food prices, reviving grim memories of the country's 1984-1985 famine. (REUTERS/Radu Sigheti)

Chaltu Mohamed cries outside the intensive care unit of Médecins Sans Frontières / Doctors Without Borders after her four-year-old sister Michu died of malnutrition near Sheshemene, southern Ethiopia, June 8, 2008.
(REUTERS/Radu Sigheti)

A relative carries the body of four-year-old Michu Mohamed who died of malnutrition near Sheshemene, southern Ethiopia, June 8, 2008. (REUTERS/Radu Sigheti)

Kufu Mohamed stands outside his tukul as his mother Amima arrives home with the body of his four-year-old sister Michu who died of malnutrition near Sheshemene, southern Ethiopia, June 8, 2008. Kufu, which also suffers of malnutrition, was later taken to a Médecins Sans Frontières / Doctors Without Borders intensive care unit. (REUTERS/Radu Sigheti)

Amina Nanessa Mohamed cries as she arrives at her home carrying the body of her four-year-old daughter Michu who died of malnutrition near Sheshemene, southern Ethiopia June 8, 2008. (REUTERS/Radu Sigheti)

Relatives, following Muslim tradition, wash the body of Michu Mohamed, a four year old girl who died of malnutrition near Sheshemene, southern Ethiopia, June 8, 2008. (REUTERS/Radu Sigheti)

Men bury four-year-old Michu Mohamed who died of malnutrition near Sheshemene, southern Ethiopia, June 8, 2008. Kufu, her brother which also suffers from malnutrition, was later taken to a Médecins Sans Frontières / Doctors Without Borders intensive care unit. (REUTERS/Radu Sigheti)

You cannot imagine this, because you've not been through it.Come on, you have a computer to read this off the net. A computer, phone line and internet connection. Nice lifestyle... or enough money for a cyber cafe when more than 1 billion people earn less than $1 a day.

I feel restless. I wanna help, but I don't know what to do. I don't wanna just do more awareness campaigns, I've done enough of that already. I see people, reading, talking, asking, being interested but the minute they walk about and get interested in other things, they eventually loose interest. Then you loose them. I want to get something done fast and effectively. Any ideas?

GOD! We spend so much money on armistice when we don't even have enough money to help give children of the world enough food!

Perak has a football team and though I don't watch, I'm proud of them!

2008-06-29T22:39:00.000-07:00

I dropped by the football stadium the other day. It was causing MASSIVE jams on the road. whoa! I never knew the Perak team could draw such attentions. GO PERAK! WOOT!

Anyways, I didn't go there to watch the game. Just to see how everything is. The atmosphere, the lights, the crowd!. You could feel the excitement in the air. Everyone was preparing for the game, flags, VIP members.. wow, they reserve seats for politicians too..specially for DAP members. cool.

I definitely noticed one thing. lol. Chinese people don't like football. There, I couldn't see even one in sight. It was more like a Bumiputera event. You wouldn't even know it wasn't a football game. Cause I thought everyone would support the Perak team but they were all just Malay's. I really couldn't see anything Malaysian about it. .... at least someone's supporting Perak, right?

But I was glad about one thing, it wasn't just men at the football game, there were FAMILIES there.
Yes. Families. Can you believe that? From Mothers to Daughters to Grandmothers to sons. They come in big groups too. Probably uncles, aunties, nieces, nephews, cousins and long distant cousins who twiced moved. They were all over like a happy family outing. Holding hands and drinks and burgers.

I don't see that around much. So it had this comfortable homey feel to it. It was nice to see grandparents out and about. I don't know why, but I like seeing old people around. I feel that the world is more gentle when they're about. Have you ever felt that?

Oh. Then I headed over to this Malay restaurant. It was nostalgic. The typical coffee shop outdoor. Their setting took me back to my childhood days in my primary school canteen with the wooden tables and the many trees. Sweet memories once again.

Then, I went on a date. It was sweet :D

(I know I shouldn't have due to issues,,, but it was fun. I'm not going to deny that)

A Comme Amour?

2008-06-29T11:29:00.000-07:00

I wanted to know why A Comme Amour appealed to me so much.. Cause I played it about 20 times in less than 2 hours. So I went on to look it up and found the score sheet of Richard Clayderman.
Then I realised why.

Lyrics :

A Comme Amour by Richard Clayderman

My Love how can you be so naughty with my heart
My love how can you play so often with my love

Chorus
My love you shouldn't play with me the way you do
You will regret
I will forget
I am sure

If you could know how many times
I've been dreaming of you
You will know how many times I've been thinking of you

Chorus

Sorry for the words I've told you
Sorry for the bad thinking I've got here
But my heart is so sad
Sorry i can't live without you

Bridge
But you should say
Oh yes, you could come with me when I ask
You should marry me when I pray
Then I'll take you in my arms
Love I will press your hands against my heart

Verse 1
Verse 3

It was because Richard Clayderman expressed himself so well that I felt all these words on an instrumental track. No words, just pure talent. I wish I could play like that. He's amazing.

They call his music elevator music (cause it's usually used in neutral spaces) but it's so soothing, I guess you can use it anywhere but a rock concert. :P

Some answers come when you least expect them to

2008-06-27T17:25:00.000-07:00

I was cleaning my room earlier (after its LOOOOOONNNGGG awaited clean) and I found this paper. I wrote it when I was having a really tough time at work last year. My colleague was really mean and I got upset and didn't know where to turn to. So I ran up to the rooftop and sat down in the middle of the parking lot and watched the sunset.

When I cooled off two hours later, I wrote this note (which I have kept in this little corner for too long) :

Today, I sat at the rooftop and watched the sunset. At 6.30pm. It was the longest wait EVER!! Everyone knows my impatience and by 7pm, the sun was still up. What nonsense.
So I just had to ask God this question : Why is the world so God damn slow? (And the answer came in the sunset)

The reply:
So that you can appreciate every single last minute you have on this earth. Appreciating all the beauty that I have created for you.
Everything is beautiful. Everything was made with a purpose. Time here, is the essence.
But the essence of time in minutes and seconds rush you further. It moves time to be faster than it truly is.
Time my dear one, is man made. Time in my eyes (God's eyes) are ETERNAL.

And as I sat there watching the Godly long sunset, I learned to appreciate the sun. The sun brings light, warmth and comfort. The magnificent rays upon the skies. It was when the sun had already set that I wished the sun was up. For then came the darkness and the cold winds. But I stopped regretting when I realized that cold winds and darkness are a part of God's creation too and is thus beautiful.

I thought back to my earlier view of the blue finch and my moment of happiness. It came, it went but when you appreciate something in its form of beauty, the happy memory lives on.

This was truly a learning experience for me. I could never have done it if I wasn't depressed.

See, even depression has its role to play in life..

- AlexisMarie -

And now that I'm reading and blogging it out, it helps me understand life a little bit better for today.
I guess I already knew the answer, I just had to remember

I asked :

"Why is the world so God damn slow?" referring to
the movement of the earth on its axis.
And GOD, he gave me a better answer.

I need to open my eyes

2008-06-26T17:10:00.001-07:00

Ok, that was a very emotional post. I just needed to get something off of my chest. Couldn't shake it, plus I was out. So I headed to the nearest cybercafe and started blogging my heart out.

I'm better this morning. I woke up thinking about what happened last night and everything. I really wanna share this with everyone.

If you've ever had sex, you'd be surprised how deep another person can get into your soul. For it's true when people say that the very act itself can penetrate into your soul and it connects you with your significant.

I was taught in church, that when you have sex your souls reach out to each other and connect in a most divine state. I felt that once, when I slept with my lover.

However that was 2 years ago. Now I'm lonely and depressed. And do ridiculously stupid stuff that never makes anything better. And yes, I've tried praying but it doesn't help much. I can't find the peace.

Every time that I reach the lowest point of my life. I drink till I'm drunk and get laid (with one of my ex'). You must know that when this happens, I'm not me. When I'm low I become this aggressive wild chic who's absolutely game for anything. Probably the strong side coming out to put up a wall of defense. After a while, I'll get bored of it and fall back into my happy, blur personality.

Anyways last night

I slept with one of my ex'. This time however, half way through I started thinking about everything. What I was doing and after that, for all the times I open my eyes, I hope to see my Monkey Man that I love (we dated 6 months ago and I fell in love with him. No we didn't sleep together) . But it wasn't Monkey Man. It was the ex. And it kept going that way until I couldn't take it anymore and I broke down.

I broke down cause I suddenly felt so hurt. I was shaking and crying so bad.
Went out and took a drive. Eventually got into the cybercafe and blogged.

I loved him and he left cause he said that I'm too good for him. I still can't face that as a fact cause it was the same thing that one of my lovers said to me 2 years ago.

You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.

-Meredith Grey from Grey's Anatomy-

It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

2008-06-26T10:53:00.000-07:00

THAT'S NOT TRUE!

To never have loved that person would have been better.

Do you know how difficult it is to get over a person that you've lost? It hurts you right to your very soul. Why? Because that person who you love so deeply has become a part of you, and when they leave.......a part of you leaves as well.

If you think that to love a person and then let them walk out on you is better than to not have loved at all. You are wrong.

There were GREAT, LOVING MEMORIES that you can cherish for the rest of your life. But at one point say... 6 months... if you don't let go of those memories just like your loved one let go of you and let you fall..... You will never know what's on the other side.

To have loved and lost, has it's other meanings. You loved that person so much that you loose them. To loose them does not mean you die, but to loose them means that you are a failure.

You lost them because you loved them. They think you as being too good. So they leave. They leave and they will never ever ever come back no matter how much you wish for it to be true.

You need them. You know you do. You need them and they left you to fend for yourself thinking that this is the best thing to do.

Not knowing that they have never EVER hurt you until the day they left.

That's why to have loved and lost is not better than to never have loved at all.

It would have been better if we never met.

The Love of a Snail

2008-06-25T16:52:00.001-07:00

I saw the saddest thing at work yesterday.

Dear Clayton, my boss's 4 year old son who is obsessed with snails accidentally stepped on one. Well you see, snails are our friends and..I quote Simon Goh (my boss) " Snails are our friends. We must protect our friends" lol. He did really say that before.
Well anyways, cause I sit outside during the earlier part of the evening, I watch these snails very very closely. They have this tendency to crawl out of their natural habitat and on to the pathway. I'm usually carrying them back but I missed one :(

And it got splatted. It was sad but I guess if it had to happen, it would have had to happen. Sometimes faith just wants it that way.

What's amazing was that the other snails came out from the grass and straight to it. Don't take it as a fast speed cause they're naturally slow but they still came. It's like they were paying their respects to the snail before it moves on into the next world.

Can snails feel? I always thought they were cute little buggies but I never realized that they could feel too? About 7 snails came and left except for one which stayed with the squishy part of the body. Almost as if it was hoping it would wake up. Probably the lover.
The poor lover. How could this happen to it??

I never noticed this before, but maybe snails love too. Deep down inside they feel each other with those little antennae sticking out of their head.

They're adorable little critters, very shy. They hide right into their shell when you touch them lightly with a leaf.

But I guess all living things love cause people LOVE to Love.. and we all know it feels great right. So if snails love, I wouldn't be surprised.

Mama snail and Baby Snail, (as Clayton would say it) lol.

Anyways, if you guys have something to say, please do. All snails would appreciate it.

Dear snailey who passed away. I never knew you but do know that I wish I did.

The Beginning of Something Yet to Come.

2008-06-24T09:10:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, right here on earth. Princes and Princesses lived happily together on land and sea with all earthly magical creatures and animals. Centaurs, Leprechauns, Fairies, Deers, Butterflies and even the mystical Lochness Monster

They were all at peace with each other. Until one day when they found a rock. The most beautiful, shiniest, most sparkly rock that you could never, ever find anywhere else on this earth.....

And then everything changed.

OH! If Only that rock just lay hidden beneath that disgusting, green moss.

For after that, life became nothing but - a dream, a wish..... a fairy tale.