Monday, June 30, 2008

There's too much food in the fridge.

My family(unlike me of course. :P) are from a very long line of staunch conservative Catholics who make it compulsory to attend church every Sunday and to help willingly whenever help is needed or asked for. Traditions of it have been handed down from Grandma.. hail grandma, may she rest in peace.

Last Sunday, mother was at this charity fund raiser for the old folks home, and she came back with a ton of food.

I surprised my ownself when I thought, it would be better if we just gave the food to the poor children. We had so much of food in the fridge anyways. Then I started thinking about children in Ethiopia and googled it.

I saw pictures that gripped my heart so hard that I just have to put them up here.
It's from .

The page showed the anguish of parents whose children suffer from malnutrition and eventually die because there's no hope.

Imagine if you were a mother and your child was dying. Every mother would hope for the best for you to get better...But in Ethiopia, there's no hope. You just wait for your child to die.

The pictures below are about Michu, a 4 year old little girl, who passed away due to malnutrition.

Amina Nanessa Mohamed cries outside the intensive care unit of Médecins Sans Frontières / Doctors Without Borders after her four-year-old daughter Michu died of malnutrition near Sheshemene, southern Ethiopia, June 8, 2008. Some 4.5 million Ethiopians need emergency food aid due to failed rains and high food prices, reviving grim memories of the country's 1984-1985 famine. (REUTERS/Radu Sigheti)

Chaltu Mohamed cries outside the intensive care unit of Médecins Sans Frontières / Doctors Without Borders after her four-year-old sister Michu died of malnutrition near Sheshemene, southern Ethiopia, June 8, 2008.
(REUTERS/Radu Sigheti)

A relative carries the body of four-year-old Michu Mohamed who died of malnutrition near Sheshemene, southern Ethiopia, June 8, 2008. (REUTERS/Radu Sigheti)

Kufu Mohamed stands outside his tukul as his mother Amima arrives home with the body of his four-year-old sister Michu who died of malnutrition near Sheshemene, southern Ethiopia, June 8, 2008. Kufu, which also suffers of malnutrition, was later taken to a Médecins Sans Frontières / Doctors Without Borders intensive care unit. (REUTERS/Radu Sigheti)

Amina Nanessa Mohamed cries as she arrives at her home carrying the body of her four-year-old daughter Michu who died of malnutrition near Sheshemene, southern Ethiopia June 8, 2008. (REUTERS/Radu Sigheti)

Relatives, following Muslim tradition, wash the body of Michu Mohamed, a four year old girl who died of malnutrition near Sheshemene, southern Ethiopia, June 8, 2008. (REUTERS/Radu Sigheti)

Men bury four-year-old Michu Mohamed who died of malnutrition near Sheshemene, southern Ethiopia, June 8, 2008. Kufu, her brother which also suffers from malnutrition, was later taken to a Médecins Sans Frontières / Doctors Without Borders intensive care unit. (REUTERS/Radu Sigheti)

You cannot imagine this, because you've not been through it.Come on, you have a computer to read this off the net. A computer, phone line and internet connection. Nice lifestyle... or enough money for a cyber cafe when more than 1 billion people earn less than $1 a day.

I feel restless. I wanna help, but I don't know what to do. I don't wanna just do more awareness campaigns, I've done enough of that already. I see people, reading, talking, asking, being interested but the minute they walk about and get interested in other things, they eventually loose interest. Then you loose them. I want to get something done fast and effectively. Any ideas?

GOD! We spend so much money on armistice when we don't even have enough money to help give children of the world enough food!

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Perak has a football team and though I don't watch, I'm proud of them!

I dropped by the football stadium the other day. It was causing MASSIVE jams on the road. whoa! I never knew the Perak team could draw such attentions. GO PERAK! WOOT!

Anyways, I didn't go there to watch the game. Just to see how everything is. The atmosphere, the lights, the crowd!. You could feel the excitement in the air. Everyone was preparing for the game, flags, VIP members.. wow, they reserve seats for politicians too..specially for DAP members. cool.

I definitely noticed one thing. lol. Chinese people don't like football. There, I couldn't see even one in sight. It was more like a Bumiputera event. You wouldn't even know it wasn't a football game. Cause I thought everyone would support the Perak team but they were all just Malay's. I really couldn't see anything Malaysian about it. .... at least someone's supporting Perak, right?

But I was glad about one thing, it wasn't just men at the football game, there were FAMILIES there.
Yes. Families. Can you believe that? From Mothers to Daughters to Grandmothers to sons. They come in big groups too. Probably uncles, aunties, nieces, nephews, cousins and long distant cousins who twiced moved. They were all over like a happy family outing. Holding hands and drinks and burgers.

I don't see that around much. So it had this comfortable homey feel to it. It was nice to see grandparents out and about. I don't know why, but I like seeing old people around. I feel that the world is more gentle when they're about. Have you ever felt that?

Oh. Then I headed over to this Malay restaurant. It was nostalgic. The typical coffee shop outdoor. Their setting took me back to my childhood days in my primary school canteen with the wooden tables and the many trees. Sweet memories once again.

Then, I went on a date. It was sweet :D

(I know I shouldn't have due to issues,,, but it was fun. I'm not going to deny that)

A Comme Amour?

I wanted to know why A Comme Amour appealed to me so much.. Cause I played it about 20 times in less than 2 hours. So I went on to look it up and found the score sheet of Richard Clayderman.
Then I realised why.

Lyrics :

A Comme Amour by Richard Clayderman

My Love how can you be so naughty with my heart
My love how can you play so often with my love

My love you shouldn't play with me the way you do
You will regret
I will forget
I am sure

If you could know how many times
I've been dreaming of you
You will know how many times I've been thinking of you


Sorry for the words I've told you
Sorry for the bad thinking I've got here
But my heart is so sad
Sorry i can't live without you

But you should say
Oh yes, you could come with me when I ask
You should marry me when I pray
Then I'll take you in my arms
Love I will press your hands against my heart

Verse 1
Verse 3

It was because Richard Clayderman expressed himself so well that I felt all these words on an instrumental track. No words, just pure talent. I wish I could play like that. He's amazing.

They call his music elevator music (cause it's usually used in neutral spaces) but it's so soothing, I guess you can use it anywhere but a rock concert. :P

Friday, June 27, 2008

Some answers come when you least expect them to

I was cleaning my room earlier (after its LOOOOOONNNGGG awaited clean) and I found this paper. I wrote it when I was having a really tough time at work last year. My colleague was really mean and I got upset and didn't know where to turn to. So I ran up to the rooftop and sat down in the middle of the parking lot and watched the sunset.

When I cooled off two hours later, I wrote this note (which I have kept in this little corner for too long) :

Today, I sat at the rooftop and watched the sunset. At 6.30pm. It was the longest wait EVER!! Everyone knows my impatience and by 7pm, the sun was still up. What nonsense.
So I just had to ask God this question : Why is the world so God damn slow? (And the answer came in the sunset)

The reply:
So that you can appreciate every single last minute you have on this earth. Appreciating all the beauty that I have created for you.
Everything is beautiful. Everything was made with a purpose. Time here, is the essence.
But the essence of time in minutes and seconds rush you further. It moves time to be faster than it truly is.
Time my dear one, is man made. Time in my eyes (God's eyes) are ETERNAL.

And as I sat there watching the Godly long sunset, I learned to appreciate the sun. The sun brings light, warmth and comfort. The magnificent rays upon the skies. It was when the sun had already set that I wished the sun was up. For then came the darkness and the cold winds. But I stopped regretting when I realized that cold winds and darkness are a part of God's creation too and is thus beautiful.

I thought back to my earlier view of the blue finch and my moment of happiness. It came, it went but when you appreciate something in its form of beauty, the happy memory lives on.

This was truly a learning experience for me. I could never have done it if I wasn't depressed.

See, even depression has its role to play in life..

- AlexisMarie -

And now that I'm reading and blogging it out, it helps me understand life a little bit better for today.
I guess I already knew the answer, I just had to remember

I asked :
"Why is the world so God damn slow?" referring to
the movement of the earth on its axis.
And GOD, he gave me a better answer.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

I need to open my eyes

Ok, that was a very emotional post. I just needed to get something off of my chest. Couldn't shake it, plus I was out. So I headed to the nearest cybercafe and started blogging my heart out.

I'm better this morning. I woke up thinking about what happened last night and everything. I really wanna share this with everyone.

If you've ever had sex, you'd be surprised how deep another person can get into your soul. For it's true when people say that the very act itself can penetrate into your soul and it connects you with your significant.

I was taught in church, that when you have sex your souls reach out to each other and connect in a most divine state. I felt that once, when I slept with my lover.

However that was 2 years ago. Now I'm lonely and depressed. And do ridiculously stupid stuff that never makes anything better. And yes, I've tried praying but it doesn't help much. I can't find the peace.

Every time that I reach the lowest point of my life. I drink till I'm drunk and get laid (with one of my ex'). You must know that when this happens, I'm not me. When I'm low I become this aggressive wild chic who's absolutely game for anything. Probably the strong side coming out to put up a wall of defense. After a while, I'll get bored of it and fall back into my happy, blur personality.

Anyways last night

I slept with one of my ex'. This time however, half way through I started thinking about everything. What I was doing and after that, for all the times I open my eyes, I hope to see my Monkey Man that I love (we dated 6 months ago and I fell in love with him. No we didn't sleep together) . But it wasn't Monkey Man. It was the ex. And it kept going that way until I couldn't take it anymore and I broke down.

I broke down cause I suddenly felt so hurt. I was shaking and crying so bad.
Went out and took a drive. Eventually got into the cybercafe and blogged.

I loved him and he left cause he said that I'm too good for him. I still can't face that as a fact cause it was the same thing that one of my lovers said to me 2 years ago.

You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.

-Meredith Grey from Grey's Anatomy-

It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.


To never have loved that person would have been better.

Do you know how difficult it is to get over a person that you've lost? It hurts you right to your very soul. Why? Because that person who you love so deeply has become a part of you, and when they leave.......a part of you leaves as well.

If you think that to love a person and then let them walk out on you is better than to not have loved at all. You are wrong.

There were GREAT, LOVING MEMORIES that you can cherish for the rest of your life. But at one point say... 6 months... if you don't let go of those memories just like your loved one let go of you and let you fall..... You will never know what's on the other side.

To have loved and lost, has it's other meanings. You loved that person so much that you loose them. To loose them does not mean you die, but to loose them means that you are a failure.

You lost them because you loved them. They think you as being too good. So they leave. They leave and they will never ever ever come back no matter how much you wish for it to be true.

You need them. You know you do. You need them and they left you to fend for yourself thinking that this is the best thing to do.

Not knowing that they have never EVER hurt you until the day they left.

That's why to have loved and lost is not better than to never have loved at all.

It would have been better if we never met.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

The Love of a Snail

I saw the saddest thing at work yesterday.

Dear Clayton, my boss's 4 year old son who is obsessed with snails accidentally stepped on one. Well you see, snails are our friends and..I quote Simon Goh (my boss) " Snails are our friends. We must protect our friends" lol. He did really say that before.
Well anyways, cause I sit outside during the earlier part of the evening, I watch these snails very very closely. They have this tendency to crawl out of their natural habitat and on to the pathway. I'm usually carrying them back but I missed one :(

And it got splatted. It was sad but I guess if it had to happen, it would have had to happen. Sometimes faith just wants it that way.

What's amazing was that the other snails came out from the grass and straight to it. Don't take it as a fast speed cause they're naturally slow but they still came. It's like they were paying their respects to the snail before it moves on into the next world.

Can snails feel? I always thought they were cute little buggies but I never realized that they could feel too? About 7 snails came and left except for one which stayed with the squishy part of the body. Almost as if it was hoping it would wake up. Probably the lover.
The poor lover. How could this happen to it??

I never noticed this before, but maybe snails love too. Deep down inside they feel each other with those little antennae sticking out of their head.

They're adorable little critters, very shy. They hide right into their shell when you touch them lightly with a leaf.

But I guess all living things love cause people LOVE to Love.. and we all know it feels great right. So if snails love, I wouldn't be surprised.

Mama snail and Baby Snail, (as Clayton would say it) lol.

Anyways, if you guys have something to say, please do. All snails would appreciate it.

Dear snailey who passed away. I never knew you but do know that I wish I did.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

The Beginning of Something Yet to Come.

Once upon a time, right here on earth. Princes and Princesses lived happily together on land and sea with all earthly magical creatures and animals. Centaurs, Leprechauns, Fairies, Deers, Butterflies and even the mystical Lochness Monster

They were all at peace with each other. Until one day when they found a rock. The most beautiful, shiniest, most sparkly rock that you could never, ever find anywhere else on this earth.....

And then everything changed.

OH! If Only that rock just lay hidden beneath that disgusting, green moss.

For after that, life became nothing but - a dream, a wish..... a fairy tale.